Can your loved ones predict what you are going to say yes or no to before you even do?
Does your life feel like the movie Ground Hog's Day? (like every day is the same on repeat)
Do you long for more excitement, adventure, and fun?
If so you might want to keep reading....
A few years ago, I was preparing to meet a friend that I hadn't spoken to in several months.
I had just recently separated from my husband at the time and in the minutes before we were to meet, I found myself wondering if I should tell my friend about the separation.
It was certainly a big event in my life and I wasn’t sure I could pull off a nonchalant “everything is great” when he asked how I was doing, but I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to announce it publicly either.
I was completely lost in the debate in my mind when all the sudden it occurred to me how ridiculous this internal conversation was. He hadn’t even walked in the door yet and I was already pre-determining how the conversation would go.
What’s worse is that I realized this is how I had learned to make most major decisions in my life - before I even had to make them.
Like in college, I was so terrified to socialize at parties that I pre-decided that I would say no to any invitations I received.
Anything that even hinted at a possibility that I might be uncomfortable or worse rejected, I avoided at all costs.
I have avoided teaching workshops and classes for years, because of a fear of rejection.
The funniest part though is that I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN REJECTED!
Nobody has ever thrown fruit at me, Nobody has ever stood up and told me I was full of shit, Nobody has ever been anything but grateful for me offering my time and energy to teach something that is near and dear to my heart.
Why then, does my body tremble with fear at the thought of sharing my ideas with the world?
Because I am deeply committed to the story my limited mind has created about my life. I have abided by its rules for so long that I don’t know how to separate the story from my reality.
But I am learning to call its bluff. I am learning that the actual experience of something is never as terrifying as the made up story my mind believes.
This is how healing happens. We have to recalibrate our nervous system to correctly assess our fears and it happens when we allow ourselves to truly experience whatever it is that we have been avoiding.
Because it is only in the sensory experience of the moment that we know what is right for us. I can’t possibly know what is right for me a year from now, a month from now, a week from now or even 10 minutes from now.
I won’t know until I get there and I allow in the feelings and sensations of that moment.
Then and only then will I know and I won’t know it in my mind, I will FEEL it in my body.
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