"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin
Fourteen months ago, I felt like I was leading a double life between who I was at home and who I was becoming in my work. The truth was, the persona I created at home was built on a foundation of guilt, shame, defensiveness, and resentment that I had found necessary to protect myself in the first half of my life.
For my 40th birthday, I took a week long solo trip out west to get the clarity I needed about how to reconnect with the truest most authentic version of me in all areas of my life. I came across Anais Nin’s words just before I boarded the plane:
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.”
My heart knew that staying in my marriage was keeping me chained to a version of myself that no longer needed to exist. Yet, the idea of leaving my marriage brought intense feelings of doubt, guilt, shame, and fear.
I felt stuck somewhere between a tight bud and a blossoming flower, but as I read those words I realized I had a choice to become who I am or stay who I am not.
Perhaps you are feeling that now in your life - that the pain of staying stuck is more painful than the risk of allowing yourself to blossom.
That remaining in a tight bud of pain, stress, fear, worry or anger is more painful than the risk of letting go, surrendering, and allowing yourself to blossom?
Or maybe you are realizing that remaining tightly closed in a protective shell of defensiveness, resistance, guilt, shame, or fear isn't serving you anymore?
That the behaviors, personality, and habits you once adopted as a way to protect yourself from hurt is keeping out the love and light that you desire?
The invitation to blossom feels like a risk. It feels like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff and being asked to jump.
The truth is that there is safety in the familiarity of pain, stress, fear, worry, or anger. The risk is in letting go, surrendering, and allowing yourself to blossom.
If you're feeling these things then I am doing the happy dance in your honor, because my friend you are on the verge of a serious breakthrough!
That moment? Can you feel it with me for a minute? That moment when you recognize that you are being given an invitation to blossom. That all the pain, stress, worry, and fear you have been resisting is actually inviting you to heal.
That moment you realize you have a choice to blossom. That you don't have to stay tightly closed up in a bud. In fact, you have been choosing the bud because you thought it was safer. You realize you aren't actually safer in your shell because the things you want can't break through the surface. That in keeping out the fear, the pain, and the hurt...you are also keeping out the love, light, and healing you desire.
I am doing the happy dance for you because that single moment of realization has the power to change the entire trajectory of your life.
So are you ready? Are you ready to surrender to the light and love? Are you ready to allow yourself to become the best version of yourself?
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