Limiting beliefs are like weeds. No matter how many times you pull the damn things they keep coming back. And even if you think you’ve got the root, they still seem to resurface.
And when they do, there is that familiar feeling when you realize you are still on the same merry-go-round of your past.
And that even after years of therapy, journaling, meditation, healing, and personal growth… you are still dealing with the same damn weed.
How do we actually close the door on our past so that we can walk through the door of now into a future that blossoms with possibility?
Honestly…. I can still get lost in the fears and insecurities of my past and the thoughts and worries of my future too.
Like a few days ago, after an overnight flight with my children. My 8 year old son, Oaklen, bounced off the plane like he had just gotten a full night’s rest chatting away about the movie he watched and bragging because there was a seat next to him empty on the plane.
How dare he be happy, when I was tired, sore, groggy, and miserable? Everything that came out of his poor mouth irritated me and I just wanted to scream at him to shut up.
I didn’t, but I also wasn’t the supportive, loving, and peace-filled mother that I desire to be. Instead I was stuck in the past of wanting my feelings to be seen, validated, and supported and expecting my 8 year old son to be able to offer that to me.
But what I do understand is the pathway to a future of possibility is only accessible through the doorway of the NOW.
And in understanding this, I am always able to find my way back to the NOW, because I know that the only power I ever have to heal anything is right here, right now - in this present moment.
The power to heal comes from being in action toward who you desire to become, rather than being who your trauma has conditioned you to be.
With my son, if I was the mom I desired to be - I would have genuinely smiled through my fatigue and put my arm around him and expressed joy for his joy. I would have dropped all the thoughts about what was wrong with me and sincerely listened to him share his experience. The love and support that I was seeking would have come through in that moment of connection and I would have been energized rather than drained by my irritation and frustration.
You become in the moments when you are in the act of becoming.
When you are being a version of yourself that you have never allowed yourself to be.
It’s allowing yourself to speak up when you normally wouldn’t.
It’s allowing yourself to show love or compassion when your default is to hide behind resentment and anger.
It’s holding your tongue when you would normally lash out in anger.
It’s expressing how you feel when you most fear being rejected.
It’s moving toward someone or something when your pattern is to run away.
It’s walking away, when your pattern is to move closer.
Being who you desire to become can only happen in the present. You can’t think about who you want to be and one day wake up that way. Or expect others to change so that we can be who we want to be.
No matter how much therapy you do or meditation you practice - you will never become your best self while in therapy or while sitting on a cushion.
Trust me if it were possible, I would have gone through my entire divorce process from my meditation cushion and I would be sitting here now telling you how to do hard things without actually having to do it.
But I am not, I’m telling you that you have to do what feels impossible. You have to do what feels like the hardest and scariest thing you have ever done in your life. Becoming feels terrifying in the moment, but when the fear passes and you see the doors that have opened up in front of you… that is the moment you are un-limited and free.
Be free. Be un-limited. Go open those doors for yourself.
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