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What Anger Really Means

Updated: Apr 12, 2023

I love how the universe works.

Many of you know that I have been actively working to shift my relationship to wealth and abundance.

On a Saturday a couple of weeks ago, I did some intention setting. I used essential oils. I connected to the ease and joy that my soul desires to experience.

(my story that I am deconditioning is that to be wealthy I have to work really really really hard)

And then on Sunday all hell broke loose.

I got pissed at my kids. I spent the whole weekend taking them ice skating, allowing them to have a sleepover with their friends. I even got them a pizza and spared them from my terrible cooking.

When my son’s friend left, he threw a tantrum because he didn’t want to get off his electronics AND he wanted to eat more junk food, but I wouldn’t let him.

I was so angry, I told him he could starve if he didn’t want to eat what I was offering to make him (not my best mom moment).

Then my daughter’s friend left and before the door even closed, she asked if I would take her ice skating. My already short fuse overreacted.

“I just spent my whole weekend catering to you animals and you want me to do another thing for you? Hell no!”

If blood could boil, mine certainly was.

But I retreated to my bedroom to make sense of my unusually temperamental emotions. I was feeling a mix of sadness and anger and I cried as I let the feelings open up to me.

I wasn’t actually angry at my kids, I was angry at my inability to say no to them.

I remembered the pizza I bought them on Saturday afternoon. I hate buying my kids junk food. They eat enough of it as it is and I hate feeling like I am contributing to their already not great diets.

Then I thought back to the night before. I knew I hadn’t wanted to take my son and his friend ice skating. I was already tired and I just had this feeling of dread about going. I was grumpy from the moment we left, then I remembered his friend didn’t have his own skates so we would have to stand in line. More grumping….

Then to top it all off a bus from a local University pulled in moments before we did and out poured about 30 college kids right into the line just ahead of us. Even more grumping….

And of course we weren’t even on the ice for 10 minutes before my son complained that he was bored and wanted to go home. Internal screaming….

Why did I consent to what I knew I didn’t want to do?

I had made a handful of choices in the last 24 hours that didn’t resonate with my higher SELF, but I also hate saying no to my kids. Actually more than that I hate that they whine and complain when they don’t get their way.

But ironically here I was stomping my feet and acting like a 5 year old because I felt like my kids were being ungrateful assholes.

I called a meeting and told my kids everything I was feeling. I didn’t do it super gracefully. I wasn’t able to take full ownership of my anger just yet, but I knew it was important for me to voice what I was feeling.

My daughter went right back to playing video games with her friends and laughing so loudly I could hear her from the pit of anger I was wallowing in in my bedroom.

Part of me wanted to be angry at her for seemingly not caring about how I felt, but another part of me actually felt immensely proud that she didn’t take my behavior or my feelings personally.

I didn’t take them ice skating that night. Instead I did something for myself.

The next morning I told them that I love them. I said just because I’m angry doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I said that I was really proud of them for not taking it personally. I reminded them that it is ok to ask me to do things for them and that it’s also ok if I say no.

At the risk of over sharing, I need to tell you that I started my period the next day. I laughed because in that moment the extremity of my emotions made sense. Oh I’m not angry, I’m just hormonal.

But is there really a difference?

Sorry ladies, but do we really get a get out of jail free card just because our hormones are off balance. The truth is that I was angry. I was really angry and I knew it was because I was saying yes to things I didn’t want to say yes to.

I was angry because my “no” had no authority and no power. I could have washed my hands of it all and chalked it up to hormones and never heeded the important lesson, but I didn’t.

I made a choice to honor my no. I didn’t take my kids ice skating on Tuesday either, even though all their friends were going. Even though they got mad and questioned my choice, but it was short lived. They coped, I didn’t ruin their life.

But the magic continued this week when I told someone that has been helping me in my business that I no longer wanted her help. Our work together had been a series of starts and stops, never really being able to gain momentum. I kept trying to make it work though, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She missed a call we had scheduled this week and I felt my “no” welling up inside me.

This whole week has been a series of honoring my nos. I told my son I wasn’t taking him to his hockey practice. He didn’t want to go and neither did I, why were we trying to force something that didn’t feel good to either of us? Saying no feels good.

If I bring this back to my wealth story. I am discovering that no, I don't have to work really really hard to be wealthy. Actually I just have to honor my no, because my joy and ease are on the other side of that.

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