I was recently on the massage table reveling in the glory and splendor of human touch when my therapist interrupted me and said, “I have this image of you walking along a path covered in rose petals.” As if there could be anything more delightful than her hands on my feet, the image of this rose petal path beckoned me to explore what more there was for me.
I could certainly envision this rose petal path in my mind, but I realized I wasn’t actually walking on the path. I had stopped at the edge where the rose petals began as if I was considering whether the path was here for me. As I stood at the edge of the path I could feel the invitation of peace beckoning me forward, yet it felt like there was an invisible door standing between me and my peace.
I recognized the now familiar pull that I feel when what my heart longs for and my mind will allow me are not in alignment.
“Heart,” I asked myself, “what is it you need for me to believe so that I may walk this path?”
My heart replied, “that you are worthy of the peace you seek.”
In that same moment, I realized that I was waiting for the world around me to be at peace with the decisions I had made in my life. That somehow if I knew that the people around me were at peace with my decisions that I could be too.
My heart softened and reminded me that peace only exists within me. Waiting for others to be at peace may require lifetimes and that my peace is available to me now. This very moment.
My wise heart was going to battle with my disbelieving mind. It was fighting the years of guilt and shame I had accumulated believing that I was responsible for the suffering of others and that I needed their blessing before I could allow myself to step onto the rose petal path.
I felt the delusion dissolving in my mind as I realized that peace wanted me. It wasn’t just that I wanted peace.
Peace was waiting for me to give it permission to occupy my heart.
Peace, I realized, cannot coexist with guilt and shame. To walk the rose petal path I must let go of guilt and shame. I packed their bags for them. In each suitcase were all the times I chose to believe that I was the cause of someone else’s suffering, all the times when I determined my worth based on someone else’s thoughts or feelings, and all the times I didn’t know peace was available to me.
As I stepped onto the rose petal path, I left behind the hurt I felt because no one ever told me that it was ok to have what I wanted, to feel the way I did, and most of all that MY peace was enough.
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